Fake News Week 2019: Birds Aren’t Real.

This theory posits that between the 1950’s and early 2000’s, the US government was systematically culling its bird population to replace them with surveillance drones that act like their natural counterparts, with the last real bird perishing in 2001.

Within the shadowy underbelly of the internet, truth-seekers are discovering the harrowing reality of our avian adversaries, with the theory threatening to burst forth into the mainstream via memes and viral tweets.

As this global awakening gathers momentum, we’re seeing it crash through its digital confines and spread its wings in the physical world, stretching across the globe, even reaching the humble seaside city of Brighton – the home of Brandwatch HQ.

But the wheels of change turn slowly and it is the responsibility of all those who know the truth to enlighten others. So, using very scientific methodology, I aim to prove to you all that birds are, indeed, false. We looked at Reddit and Twitter data around the authenticity of birds for the past 6 months, and these are the results.

Exhibit A

A democratic society is only as valuable as its most widely held opinions.

So, what do the people think?

As we can see, the overwhelming majority of people online mistrust the government propaganda machine and doubt that birds are just harmless creatures. Instead, the people are increasingly seeing them for the government surveillance drones they truly are, and the number of believers has been growing exponentially over the past 6 months.

While the results are promising, more can be done. The 5% of people nestled in avian agnosticism are febrile with skepticism and it’s the job of myself and other 92%ers to lead them to the bird bath of enlightenment and let them bob about in the nectar of truth.

Exhibit B

Evasion has long been one of the staples of government spin doctors and it seems when it comes to covering up the mass murder of birds, it’s no different. Looking at people directly questioning important governmental figures on Twitter, we are met with a wall of silence.

This reticence creates an information vacuum that fuels speculation, so why not answer such a simple question? An innocent person surely has nothing to hide…

Exhibit C

In a court of law, a confession will always be the strongest piece of evidence to get a conviction and bird law is no different. How do you get a confession, though? We’ve already seen the powers that be are well versed in the art of silence – a silence that crushes dissenting voices that dare to question the status quo.

But revelations tend to happen in the strangest circumstances, and these are strange times.

There you have it. A smoking gun in the CIA’s hands, pointed at their own head.

It’s hard to say why this was posted – we can only speculate. Was it the arrogance of an organization who have kept a secret for over half a century, simply flaunting their deception? Or maybe a disgruntled millennial employee, disillusioned by the deceit, seeking redemption for their sins the only way they know how – Twitter.

It’s hard to say but it’s impossible to disregard the evidence presented to us.

Exhibit D (Bonus)

There will always be pre-existing ideas and theories belonging to a researcher. However, it’s up to the researcher to be open and receptive to new ideas and data points they may not expect.

While doing this research I stumbled across, possibly, the most damning piece of evidence that I could never have anticipated… The systematic suppression of information and opinions on the conspiracy. Truly. Shocking.